I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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