She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
