I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
