my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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