I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
