he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
