The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
