Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
