My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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