My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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