everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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