i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
