My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
