I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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