I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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