i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
