things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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