pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
