I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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