maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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