i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
