When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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