just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
