the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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