U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
