you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
