Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
