So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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