I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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