my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
