That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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