Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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