My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
