Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
