i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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