the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
