Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
