My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
