I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
