You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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