everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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