i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
