im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
