Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
