he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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