The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
