I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
