Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
