why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
