I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
