so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
