Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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