i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
