you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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