How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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