Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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