he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
