I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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