it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
