My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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