so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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