I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
