He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
