Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
