shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
