I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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