Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize