My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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