I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this boner is exhausting
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
