A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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