I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
